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Bloviate - words, lots of words...
Rotating Rants
words of futility...

Sunday 6-24-2001

I've been sitting here pondering the reasons behind basic human attraction, on a deeper, more core level than i have before. What is it that makes people begin to grow closer to the point of decision in a normal platonic friendship?

The thing that i've noticed happening, at least in my relationships, and often in those of friends, is that of the gradually increased seriousness of said relationships.

I think that part of the reason that this occurs is that when you end up being "best friends" you really get to know a person. You find out their hopes and dreams, their likes and dislikes. You find out what they're like in good times, and in bad. Part of the reason that you learn all of these things, is that in a platonic relationship there isn't the threat of "losing" the person because of some aspect that they find out; being that romance is often based on physical attraction and that's not a very strong foundation. The main benefit here is that you learn ten thousand times more about the person, because they don't have to hide all that stuff from you as they [probably] would if it were a romance.

I personally see this as a huge advantage, because i would rather be very close to a girl and then bring in the romance later; rather than bogging down getting to know her with a physical/psychological and somewhat superficial relationship hindering it. I personally want to get to know a girl, be best friends, and then marry her. I think that it has way better chances of lasting that way; but i digress... That's not really what i'm talking about here, that's sort of a "rabbit trail."

The other reason that i think that platonic relationships sometimes evolve into more than that is trust. I know that for me, trust is important, and it's a hard won item. If you get to know the person well, like i have already talked about, you are at the same time probably building some sort of trust with them. Part of trust comes from sharing deeply held secrets, or even just things that you don't tell everyone. Another part of trust results from knowing how the person will react to certain things that you tell them, or situations. It's tenfold easier to be in a relationship when you can trust the person to not hurt you, intentionally or otherwise. I believe that in an open and trusting relationship, you'll be open enough to share your concerns with things working out, and perhaps save a lot of heartbreak. It's much easier to stop cancers destructive path early on in the disease, so it is the same with halting the heart-break quotient.

So do relationships always evolve in this manner? Obviously not, or there would be widespread confusion in the world. Does it happen sometimes? I believe so, I've developed attraction for people after many years, just from becoming so close as friends, that i can't help being attracted to one degree or another. Do i think that it can be a good thing? Certiantly so; i think that it's a better base for a relationship than most conventional methods, bars, clubs, social functions. Or really any superficial attraction at all. While this will play some part in the beginning, as you have to have *some* attraction to even start with a friendship, it's not the only basis for things. Do i think that this is always the right thing? Absolutely not. The song on country radio right now of "Mrs. Steven Rudy" is a good example of this being a bad thing. If you're causing someone else to cheat, or do any other number of bad things, it's obviously not a good plan. That being said... I still think that this is better than the standard methods.

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